Live from New York!

Recently I've been watching some older Saturday Night Live episodes from the early 2000's, back when the cast included Darrell Hammond, Will Ferrell, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Horatio Sanz, a young Amy Poehler and Tina Fey and of course, Jimmy Fallon. While the cast is always evolving and in my opinion always bringing really fresh and talented commedians onto the cast, this was definitely one of it's shining moments in SNL player history.

I noticed that there seemed to be a ton more breaking (laughter during a scene that breaks character) than I was used to in present-day SNL. To help you understand this phenomenon, I've created a quick and easy guide to tell whether or not the players are going to break during any given skit.

Dear 16-year-old self

In this book famous people write letters to themselves when they were 16 years old. It's a fun idea, and it's prompted thousands (if not more) blog posts about what you would say to yourself if you could go back in time and talk to your 16-year-old-self. Obviously, the whole thing is preposterous because you've already lived the time between being 16 and now so nothing about that could possibly change, but everyone has a little fascination with both time travel and the concept of "oh if only I'd known...". Although I'm not that far removed from being 16, obviously a lot has changed in the...um...8 years since.

Dear 16-year-old Kate,

Guess what? You made it out. You live in Baltimore. You still haven't traveled the world, but Baltimore is pretty diverse, so in the end it's really not that bad. Also, you made it to Europe again, but it wasn't nearly as fun as the first time.

And guess what you're not doing? You are totally not writing musicals. In fact, you haven't touched a piano in a couple years. Is that really what you thought you'd be good at? You'll later learn that your talents lie elsewhere and that your musical talents will be restricted to impromptu dance parties in your living room in front of your husband.

That's right. Husband. You fell in love and got married at the age of 21. I know, right? What were you thinking? Marriage is really hard. (*note: Write letter to self at age of 21.) Everything that everyone has told you about marriage is wrong. First of all, you can't train a husband. He is who he is and that's that. Second of all, there are no rules or tricks to staying happy, such as weekly date nights or turning off the TV once a week. Those are great ways to stay connected, but they don't even scratch the surface of what's really beneath a marriage. The third thing no one tells you is that it's so much more than the little things, like housework and money. It's about really big things. Like major life things. You will be completely unprepared to face these challenges at that age. There's nothing you can do to be ready for this. But most importantly, Kate, marriage will bring you unbridled joy, comfort and satisfaction. The knowledge that you face nothing alone is worth every bad date, every fight and every tear shed. Your brain will rewire itself to love him, and no one else. All other men will seem inferior to your husband, even the richer ones. And for the second time in your life, you will find that there is great power in healing. Oh, and your wedding will be absolutely beautiful and perfect.

I can't even begin to tell you how unimportant popularity is in the real world. You really need to stop worrying about it and just be yourself. In adulthood, the people who are the most interesting and the most happy are the people who are comfortable with themselves, who don't worry about the approval of the masses. Sure, there's something to be said for fitting in, but you don't need to compromise who you are to do this.

I kind of hate to tell you this, but you turn out just like your parents. Don't worry, for the most part, you have all their good qualities and few of their bad qualities, but don't be so shocked when you find yourself yelling at your husband for using the wrong pair of scissors to cut open a bag. It's in your genetics and there's really nothing you can do about it.

You'll finally stop biting your nails, but you'll overcompensate with a sick obsession for keeping your nails perfectly manicured. You will still find yourself obsessing over colors but eventually you'll learn to manage this. You'll discover greek food, alcohol, high heels, eye liner, and bbq ribs and you won't be able to live without those things. And for the love of God, you will stop wearing silver eye shadow.

My advice to you is to be yourself, treat your body and your mind with respect, stay in school, pray often, be choosy with your friends and lay off the booze, but most importantly, love yourself. It will take you years to understand just how right your parents were when they said you must love yourself before you can love others, but this is an absolute infallible truth in life.

Your life will turn out to be pretty awesome, surrounded by wonderful and intelligent people who challenge you and love you. You will discover that you have a kind heart and a rebellious spirit. You'll begin to appreciate things like discipline and hard work. You will care about things like gender and marriage equality and use words like "heteronormative" and "gender binary". You will plant flowers and keep them alive. A black man will inspire a nation and become president. You will really really care about this.

Oh, and Kate, in a few years, someone will suggest that you go to a bar called The Depot. Say no. Trust me on this one.

Love,
Me