not fire, not ice

I'm dumbstruck by how easy it was to get a marriage license, and yet how difficult it is to dissolve a marriage in the state of Maryland. The law requires that we be separated for one year before we officially divorce, which isn't a huge problem, but it's just dumb. I think that we both feel in our hearts that if we'd anticipated that year's wait we might have done this some time sooner. Not that there's a rush to be official, but once you've decided, it seems weird to wait. It's like we're engaged to be divorced.

Things have been kind of hot and cold. Well, they've been neither too hot nor too cold, but enough that it's been frustrating. Being dedicated to keeping things civil is actually a lot of work. Other people like to stick their nose in our business and give us advice on how to "get back" at each other. We don't want that. We are better than that. We want to walk away with our heads held high knowing that we didn't sling mud. And for God's sake, we want to keep some of our dignity intact.

That being said, civility is hard to come by in the middle of a divorce. We both want to protect ourselves and neither one of us wants to feel like we're getting the short end of the stick. We're generally angry that this is happening to us.

On Monday I get the key to my new apartment. The key to my new life. I don't mean to disparrage the many happy memories and no-regrets marriage I had to my husband by constantly referring to this as my new life and my fresh start, but we all know that's what it is. We mistakingly trapped each other in marriage and now we have fresh starts. Packing is ridiculously overwhelming for me, but I know it will all be worth it once I'm in my new place.

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe.