9/12/11

This post is dedicated to love.

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on The United States. I don't really feel it necessary to discuss where I was on 9/11/01 or to reiterate any sad sentiments about that occasion. There are many things I could say about that day or my subsequent experience with that event, but that event is not about me at all so it's relatively pointless. I mean no disservice to anyone who was directly affected by those events, but I chose not to watch any news coverage related to the 10 year anniversary because yes, I know, "never forget", but all my thoughts and feelings about 9/11 are solidified and I just don't want to see anything that will make those change.

I will say this: my greatest memory of 9/11 and its aftermath is not of the tragedy, but it is of love. It is of how we genuinely came together as a nation, crossing the usual divides of political party, borders, race and religion (okay, maybe not so much for Muslims, but we're working on that) out of love for our country and love for our fellow (hu)man. (<-- this is still a feminist blog afterall) I remember the celebrities and comedians desparately trying to make us laugh during that time of grief. I remember gathering in churches and community spaces to just be around each other so we wouldn't have to be alone. All the phone calls made from those in the planes and in the tower, were messages of love. I remember the Red Sox rooting for the Yankees. Seriously. Do you remember that? Let that sink in for a minute. The Red Sox rooted for the Yankees. I remember so much love. We loved things and people that we wouldn't otherwise love. For a little while, I even loved George W. Bush and Rudy Giuliani. That may have been short-lived, but I still have some marginal respect for how they, and many other leaders, behaved during that aftermath.

Also, today is my third wedding anniversary. I grew up in a house where my parents openly celebrated their wedding anniversary each and every year, but it seems that in other households wedding anniversaries are largely ignored. It could be that I place more importance on this day than other couples do, especially for one as insignificant as number 3, but I think it's quite within my right to reminisce about the day we devoted ourselves to each other.

A lot of things were said at our wedding. Nearly all those things we wrote or chose for ourselves. We wrote our wedding ceremony and chose the readings, the only thing ad-libbed was the sermon from the minister, to which we had contributed anyway. But one of the things that strikes me about everything that was said, is that everything has been so true. We didn't know anything about marriage, and yet, everything we chose ended up being eerily accurate. Sure, maybe the advice was vague and the readings just generalities about love, but I find myself thinking about what we said and what the minister said that is just so fitting in our daily lives.

The general theme? Marriage is a huge risk. You don't know what will happen, people change and it is a lot of ongoing work to keep your relationship alive. But if you love each other and cherish each other and build each other up instead of tearing each other down, you'll find much joy and happiness.

This first reading, the one I chose for B. And the second one, the one he chose for me. We are smart cookies.

But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take…It is indeed a fearful gamble…Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.
   ~Madeleine L'Engle, The Irrational Season

 Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present, hopes for the future, and does not brood over the past. It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough.
   ~Laura Hendricks