I am not being honest over there, and for now, I see no need to be honest over here. Because the truth about what I think of name change is not nice. It's not open-minded. It's not feminist. Or rather, it's not feminist to most of them, as the post and the discussion has made clear.
The truth I believe in my head comes from a place rooted deep within my understanding of feminist-theory and the standards to which I hold most of my feminist thought. (hint: it's on the left side of this page) It's something that I think I understand but am not always smart enough or quick enough or knowledgeable enough to defend.
So with that, I've decided that I do not drink enough wine. Tonight I plan to change that while dancing around the house to hip-hop. Is that okay with you?
So, this is the part that's slightly more complicated that I didn't discuss in my original blog post.
ReplyDeleteMy feminist guilt. Because I know what the history and "tradition" of name change has meant over time.
I do want to see it shift into something new though- I wish we could truly erase the older meanings of name changing and make it into something that is a true choice for an individual to make.
It's very tough to escape the patriarchal background of this. But, I suppose that's true in lots of aspects of wedding planning and marriage- and yet you and I are still choosing to be a part of what had been in the past a very controlling institution for women.
So really I think we have to remember that it's up to each person what their comfort level is when they choose to participate (or not) in certain "traditions".
I have a really hard time disassociating the two (name change and patriarchy) and so like we discussed, I get why some people do it for a ton of reasons, but there are some reasons that I just can't sink my teeth into. I know it's not up to me to understand it, but well, just for the sake of discussion I guess.
ReplyDeleteI get that. I think it's why some feminist even more radical than you or I might choose not to participate in marriage altogether- because they can't disassociate it from the patriarchy.
ReplyDeleteSo it makes me realize that everyone has their own level to which we "buy in" or not, and it's based on each person's beliefs and what works for them in their real life.