one is the loneliest number

I've decided that, without a doubt, being an only-child is the only excuse I will ever need.

You see, I have only-child syndrome. I'm not ashamed to talk about it. I am now and have always been the quintessential only-child. It started when I was kid, and then got worse when I had no siblings. I was bossy and controlling and I had to have my way. I hated sharing. I was spoiled and pretentious and let me tell you, I knew what was up. I was quick to correct other kids who were wrong and not as smart as me (Husband shares this quality, we sometimes sit and reminisce about what know-it-alls we were. I love him.) Now that I'm an "adult" (again, we all know why that's in quotations there) I still have these qualities but I've settled into them a little differently. I have a controlling nature, but in a more caring and nurturing way. I'm still spoiled and attention-hungry, but I'm also independent, self-reliant, thoughtful and deeply intuned with who I am, probably because I am my own best friend.

There are burdens to being an only child. As a child, the burden is that you don't have siblings to play with or to share things with. Sometimes your social skills are a bit off because you're surrounded by adults all the time. As an adult, you have no one age-appropriate who shares your childhood memories, which I'm actually shocked means so much to me. I find myself jealous of the relationship I see other adults have with their siblings. It can be hard not to have anyone who remembers growing up quite the same way you do. And as my parents age, no matter how prepared they are, the responsibility of caring for them will lie on my shoulders alone. And when they're gone, I won't have anyone with which to remember them.

That being said, I know there are burdens to having siblings. I know that many people have strained relationships with their siblings and that each family is different. I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything in the world.

As an adult, I've embraced these qualities in a little less of a "spoiled rotten brat" kind of way and transformed them into the person I am today who is strong-headed and independent. I try not to take a "my way or the highway" attitude towards life, but I do see things how I think they ought to be and then try to make it so. I never accept the status quo. I never do things I don't want to do. Yes, this is kind of childish, and sometimes having a little humility and discipline to do things you don't want to do makes you a better person, but it's also a quality that lets you know I'm honest. I say what's on my mind and I call it like I see it. Sometimes that makes me a bitch, but usually that just makes me true to who I am.

I'm still kind of a spoiled brat. I still need lots of attention. I feel waves of childish rage whenever the attention isn't on me and I think as long as I live that may never go away. I still can't share anything. (Mine!) But my ability to be alone in this world and satisfied without the approval or even company of others...it's an amazing feeling. As long as I'm in control.